i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
