8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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