The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
