The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
