i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
