Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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