so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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