if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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