nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
