I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
