Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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