Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
