good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
