Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
