do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
