Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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