His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
