Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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