I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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