Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My life is pants optional.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
