but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
