i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
