I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
