an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
