This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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