i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
