Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
