He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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