It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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