i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
