so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't turn off my feet"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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