If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
