is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
