This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
