I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
