i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
