I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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