we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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