Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he thought i was a dude.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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