bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
