Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
