Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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