Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Your penis caused this!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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