The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
