"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
