I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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