Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
