I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
