the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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