hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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