all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
