Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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